Why I joined the Women's March...

Many people looking in at the women’s marches from the outside may just see them as another in a series of protests.  I was going to avoid the event because I didn’t want to be a part of a protest or riot.  But then I read more about the women’s marches happening around the globe and I recognized that this was more than just a protest.  It was and is a unification of people from all walks of life who desire “human rights, civil liberties and social justice for all.” These are key principles that our country was founded on, but principles that many people do not experience.  I marched because I stand united with others who desire equality for everyone no matter their skin color, gender, religious beliefs, economic status or any other difference.  We are all one humanity made in the image of God and we all deserve a chance to fight for and attain equal rights.   

I did not vote for Trump and I do not agree with the rhetoric that became okay during the election. However, I recognize that according to the democratic system our country has in place, he won the election. I recognize that even if I dislike him or disagree with his beliefs, he is now our president. So I was not marching today to protest his presidency.  I was however, protesting the marginalization of people because of their skin color, religion, and gender that happened during the election season and in our society in general.  I wanted to make my voice heard that we as Americans are not okay with this rhetoric and marginalization and we will not remain silent if it continues.  

I also marched today in solidarity with my brothers and sisters who have been afraid of the coming days.  You do not need to fear.  We stand with you and we will not be silent if your marginalization continues.  Look at the numbers of people who marched today; you are not alone.  Your cries will be heard; do not be afraid.

I also marched in hope of a better future.  I want my children and grandchildren to grow up without fear.  I will not teach them to hate.  I marched today, so one day I can say to my children and grandchildren, that I made (and will continue to make) my voice heard.  That I stood up against racism, sexism, inequality and injustice. I hope and pray that in their lifetimes they will see a society where gender, race, or socioeconomic status do not prevent someone from reaching for the stars and achieving their dreams. I hope that they will live among people who love and respect one another despite apparent differences; that we as a nation will stand United and fight for the liberties and rights our neighbors may not have.   

“We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty for ourselves and our Posterity…”  

This is what I march for.  If it is written in our constitution, it should be honored by our government and fellow Americans… Justice, Tranquility, Welfare, Liberty…  My sign today was taken from the Pledge of Allegiance that we all memorize as citizens of this nation.  It is more than a pledge to a flag, it is a pledge to one another for those who stand under our flag, reside in, and fight for our nation.  I march for Equality and “Liberties and Justice for ALL”.  

From death to life. From family old to new.

December 13 came and went. I thought of you. But as time goes by, it gets harder to reflect. The memories once vivid, slowly fade. This year I remembered the last time I saw you awake, right before my Skatie Hawkins. You smiled and I could tell you thought I looked beautiful. You were proud. The days that followed were some of the most painful, watching you fight for life and take your last breath. But if I can step back from the pain of those moments, I can remember the love you had for all of us.  

My family around 1998

It's hard to believe I've lived over half my life without you. You are very missed, but God has been gracious to our family. He gave us more family to fill the hole - a stepdad/husband, sisters and brothers and I can't imagine my life without them. Isn't it odd how I can miss you so much and wish you were still here yet be thankful for the new family? 

My family in 2009

I know you wanted this. You wanted us to move forward once you were gone and keep living life. I just wish that sometimes you could come back and see what and how we are all doing. That you could meet mine and Rebekah's husbands, that you could meet your granddaughter Emmalyn, that you could see your son and the wonderful man he is becoming, and also that you could meet the new family God has given to us since you've been gone. You would give us each bear hugs and butterfly kisses. Maybe we would go for a run together and talk about all the things I never got to ask you. After a big family BBQ with swimming and fun, you could return to heaven and our hearts would all be warmer with the fresh memories... but alas, that's not possible. We must try to remember the old and be thankful for the new. 

My devotion today said: "In the storm and in the night, there is waiting. Stillness. Apprehension. Tension.

When the sun rises and the clouds clear, the world stirs. Hope. Resolution...

"This is the most natural of cycles. At any given second in time, the sun is rising somewhere in the world. Somewhere in the world the rain is giving way to clearer skies. Every second of life is full of death giving way to life, winter to spring, sleeping stillness to the bustling of life...

"The deep, deep love of Jesus frames every storm and every night in a new way, glorious tensions that allude to the glorious resolution already won..."

I think that is what happens in the final stages of grief where we move on and remember. Death brings forth new lives and blessings. Although there is an apprehension and pain as we long to be together again with our loved ones, there is also hope and a new day. All around us God brings life. We need to take time to see that and be thankful. And we have hope of one day being together again in heaven. My devotion also connected this to the story of Christ: his lowly birth and life, his death and then resurrection. In him we have our greatest hope. I know you believed that with all your heart and lived that out, daddy; I'm trying to do the same. 

So even though I miss you and I don't always take time to reflect on your absence, it's because I'm trying to run the race of life like you did. I miss you and wish you were here but I'm also thankful for the blessings God has bestowed in your absence.  God has brought life where there was death.

I love you so much daddy! Enjoy your 16th Christmas in heaven this year! XOXO 

I stand with you

As many of you know, I'm a very empathetic person. I've been crying all morning. Not for fear of my own safety, but for all of those who may be negatively affected by Trump's presidency. Before bed, I prayed for protection for this country specifically for people of color, the LGBTQ community, immigrants, and women, especially those who fall into multiple categories. I can only imagine the fear that many of you are facing. I will continue to pray for your protection and peace.

I also sat helpless wondering what now? What can I do? And I return once again to the idea of bringing change in my own sphere of influence. Today I started my class by reminding my students who are afraid, that I am here if they want to talk. I also encouraged my students who might not be carrying the same fear to be advocates and supports in their community.  I encouraged them to make their classes, dorm rooms and other spaces a place where everyone feels welcomed and accepted no matter their religion, race or gender, because we who can, need to stand up for and support those who can't.

In my conversation, some of my students expressed fear of deportation and the wall, but even more, people were afraid of the discourse that has been made acceptable because of this election season. My students have already lived through aggression and racial rhetoric at UCSD during this election season. Although they are strong, it has caused deep pain and they have had enough. I think this is another place we need to have a voice. Just because racism and sexism were used by our president-elect doesn't make them right. When we see, hear or encounter these discourses we must speak against them. We must speak up for those who feel voiceless or threatened and show people that as Americans, this is not who we are. 

Secretary Clinton said in her speech this morning that throughout her career she has faced many setbacks but keeps pushing on. She admonished us to keep fighting for what we believe, because we are the ones that can bring change. I do not yet know what this looks like practically (and I'd like to hear from friends more connected to advocacy and friends more affected than me what would really help). However, I think in the mean time, we need to have respectful conversations, create safe spaces for everyone through our actions and words, and seek peace while pursuing change. 

I think this is also a time to really live out our morals, especially when the government might be marginalizing those we care about. Those who are Christians, this is a chance for us to extend love to everyone, to feed the hungry and poor, to care for the widow. We should not rely on the government to do the work we've been asked to do. This is our chance to love our neighbor (no matter how different they are). We need to work hard to do good and bring change while being ministers of peace... which leads me to my final point.

One of the the great things about our democracy is a peaceful transition of power. Many of us are angry and hurt, but Trump has been chosen as our next president. Although it might be hard, we must allow this to transfer peacefully. It doesn't mean we have to stop fighting for what's important, but we do have to recognize and accept him as the next president. Those of you who are praying people, this is a chance to pray that Mr. Trump will have wisdom and clarity as a leader and pray that he will find ways to "make America great" by making it an America for ALL people. We can also pray for good advisers around him that will give him wisdom and that he will accept that with humility. And even more importantly, as I already said, we must continue to pray for each other in this time of transition and in the years ahead and as we pray, we must find ways to stand up and speak out for what is right. 

Although hash tags mean very little in bringing real change, I feel like we need a new one that shows solidarity for everyone. A hash tag that bridges racial and political divides, because reconciliation is what our country needs. Something like #imwithyou because we as a nation need to come together and stand together no matter our differences. We need to let marginalized communities know they are not alone in this journey.  We stand with them... #imwithyou

The Pursuit of Purity

I never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, but I was raised in the 1990s evangelical culture that was permeated by ideas of sexual purity that came out of this and other similar books. For years, the church's view of sexuality has haunted and challenged me.  With the recent questioning by Joshua Harris of his book, and after reading this blog by Addie Zierman reflecting on the single narrative that permeated Christian culture in the nineties, I was challenged to share the thoughts that have haunted me for so long.

I was raised attending a Christian school and youth group every week.  Overall, this was a positive experience for me that challenged and made my faith stronger.  It gave me a strong network of friends and leaders that supported me and my family through difficult times.  I am very thankful for that and I wouldn't change it.  However, I would have appreciated a different or at least more comprehensive narrative of sexuality.

I was encouraged to save myself for marriage.  I was told that kissing, being alone with a guy, (and jokingly, dancing), led to babies.  I was admonished that as a girl I should dress modestly so that I would not cause my brothers to stumble, because only guys are tempted by pornography and masturbation and struggle with lust.  It was ingrained in me that sex outside of marriage was bad. And deep inside, I started to see myself as bad because I longed for everything I "shouldn't" have. Since I believed only guys struggled with these things, I couldn't tell anyone.  I felt like an anomaly and a dirty person... I felt like my sexually impure thoughts were also making me spiritually impure... It wasn't until college when I was finally able to share with a dear friend these struggles that I found out that I was not alone.  We started reflecting together how Christian romance novels had tainted the way we saw and understood sex, love and marriage.  We still wanted to save ourselves for marriage, but we began to realize that the lines of what that meant were not as clear as we were taught.  And that is where I wish I had heard other narratives...

After college, I began my first real relationship.  This guy who claimed to be a Christian pushed all the boundaries I held.  The first time we kissed laying down on the couch I felt like I had done something horribly wrong.  In some ways, the fact that he challenged these strict arbitrary boundaries was good because many were unnecessary, and it made me think about why I held them.  But because I had only heard one narrative of sexual purity, I was left alone once again trying to figure how far was too far when I had already crossed boundaries I was told not to cross in high school.  I was plagued by guilt in everything I did, like laying down to kiss.

I want to back up for one minute.  I think saving yourself for marriage, especially in high school, is a healthy boundary.  Sex is a powerful thing and especially someone's first sexual experience sticks with them forever.  High schoolers and junior high schoolers are balls of emotions and hormones. Avoiding sex at that stage of life is good, especially when "dating" often lasts a few weeks.  But instead of just saying don't have sex because its bad, I think honest conversations need to happen about why we create boundaries and then help teens decide what boundaries are important to them instead of telling them not to cross some arbitrary line. There should be a safe space for people who are "struggling" with something or want advice, no matter their gender or age.  We need to improve the narratives available and open up the conversations within the church and Christian community.

Which leads me to another issue that has bothered me about the Christian church for far too long. Sex is often seen as the ultimate sin.  It is put on a pedestal.  Struggling with lies, greed, pride, hate or any other thing is normal, but sex... committing sexual sins is horrible, topped only by murder.  Yes, some may say that sex and murder are different because these sins affect other people while the others are personal.  However, I would argue that all sin is bad and when any one sin takes control of a person it can lead to division in the church and hurt among people.  Sexual sins, like all sins, inhibit our relationship with God, but sexual sins need to be taken off the pedestal.  Only then can we have open conversations about the type of purity God wants in our lives and only then can we also recognize all the other sins plaguing the church today.

Back to my story... this boyfriend ended up pushing me to do things I never wanted to do. Laying down on the couch to make out was fine, but the pushing continued and continued until I gave it all away and the pain and hurt seeped deeper and deeper.  According to the sexual purity culture that I was raised in, I was now broken and impure.  But the truth? Through this experience, I learned the truth of what unconditional love is.  A few dear friends, and even my mom, came around me at that time and showed me love despite my "mistakes." They told me they still loved me for who I was, even the "broken" parts, which to them weren't really broken. That love was a glimpse of the love God has for me. Through these friends, I experienced God's grace and forgiveness.  In God's eyes I still was his beautiful child that he loved immensely, more beautiful than the flowers of the fields.  The pain and hurt of the relationship lingered, but it wasn't the sex itself that caused the pain.  It was the disrespect and dishonesty I experienced from my boyfriend and the guilt that plagued me for so many years.

Do I think it would have been better if I kissed dating goodbye?  I would have been saved from some pain, but I learned so much through dating. So no, it wouldn't have been better. After that boyfriend, I was able to go on dates, have fun, and figure out what I wanted in a guy.  That relationship helped me see my own insecurities and grow into a stronger woman from them.

Fast forward to the present.  I am now in a healthy and loving relationship with my husband of three years.  Thankfully, in our dating relationship my husband and I had open communication and figured out the boundaries that worked for us, so that pain did not wedge between us.  Neither of us pushed the other to do something we were uncomfortable with, which built deep trust and respect.  These boundaries were very different and much looser than the ones suggested by the Christian purity culture, but they were the ones that worked for us and the ones we felt that were honoring to God in our situation.  And this is what I have learned, the boundaries for sexual purity are not black and white.  What is right for one couple, might be wrong for another.  What is wrong in high school might be okay in your twenties.  What we must ask ourselves is if what we are doing is preventing us from growing closer to God?  If it is, then something is misaligned and a change needs to be made.  In my Biblical study of sexual immorality, the only clear boundary I found was that God desires us to have a pure heart.  Anything that comes between us and him is a sin.  It seems like some sexual practices in the Bible are not ideal and cause unnecessary pain, but it all comes back to being in relationship with Christ and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in our lives.  Anything that inhibits that, is where we should draw the line.

So what am I trying to get at?  It is time to open up our narratives.  We need to listen to one another and figure out together how to talk about sex in a healthy way.  Life and marriage is not all like a Christian romance novel and that's okay.  Some people might have that story, but many don't.  I haven't figured out all the answers and what this all looks like practically, but I am thankful that these conversations are finally out in the open.  All of us who were raised during the nineties at the peak of the sexual purity culture, now have a chance to talk about this with others and discover what narrative(s) we will share with our own children.  I don't think our parents, pastors, authors or other Christian leaders should be blamed.  They were teaching what they thought was best. They lived through the sexual revolution and the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and were just trying to figure out how to raise children who loved the Lord as society was quickly changing all around them. And now we, the children of the eighties and nineties, face the same challenge.  Will we keep the narrative that we were raised with or will we present multiple narratives?  Will we live in fear of the changing society?  Or will we seek ways to engage with the culture around us and live as Christians in new and different ways?

I don't think there is one right answer, but we now see that living by one single narrative of purity is not the answer. Instead of being rigid in our boundaries and beliefs, we have a chance to share God's grace and love in new ways.  Let's keep talking.  Let's share how our God is not a god to be feared because of his rules, but a God of unconditional love, redemptive healing, forgiveness and grace.

I have been silent for far too long...

My heart cries out.  I have been silent for far too long.  After every murder in the last few months, my heart has been heavy.  I’ve grieved. I’ve cried.  I’ve prayed.  My heart has been broken for all the innocent lives lost, but I have also felt muted and unable to say anything.

Who am I to have something to say?  I am a middle class white person with privilege and education.  I do not face the discrimination that so many people of color face every day.  I am able to go through life without fear of death or being treated unfairly and that is wrong.  Everyone, no matter their color, gender or religion, should be free and able to walk the streets without fear of death or discrimination - isn’t that what life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are about?

One of the reasons I have remained silent is because emotional posts just feed fires that are unhelpful and often hurtful.  Bickering with trolls on social media is not the answer.  Social media posts also just seem so superficial to me.  Someone just lost a son, a father, a brother.  Those families are in pain.  It seems insensitive to make a death of a loved one a political statement.  I could have used a hashtag and sent my thoughts and prayers to the family and friends whose loved ones were killed, but once again it seems superficial.  I become just one more hashtag.  One more person that posts and then walks away.  Once again, that’s not right.  I want to do or say more.  Standing in solidarity is good and I do, but I also want to see change.  

I am grieving for the deaths of #AltonSterling, #PhilandoCastile, and all the people in Orlando.  I am grieving for the people in Iraq, Turkey and elsewhere who have been killed.  I have watched each video.  Cried with the families and cried out to God.  I am praying for comfort and justice because this violence has gone on for far too long.  I just also long to do something more than a hashtag. One of my friends shared this on facebook about actual ways to help #blacklivesmatter.  I am starting by speaking up.  It is time for a change.  These inequalities are rooted deeply.  We need changes in our education system, changes in our societal structure and changes in our police protocol. We need to be aware of the social inequalities built into our society and institutions that cause structural racism and we need to begin to change it.

If you are white and have not watched the videos, I challenge you to and if your reaction is anything but grief for the lives lost, you may want to reconsider your priorities.   No matter where you fall politically or your views on gun control and police training, people died and that matters. #Blacklivesmatter and #bluelivesmatter, because all lives matter, but the reason everyone focuses on #blacklivesmatter is because despite our "equal" society, people of color still face discrimination daily. This piece says it better than I can.

For me, I am seeking change within my sphere of influence and moving out from there. I am going to be more intentional about critically talking about racial issues with my students. Here's some ways to do that.  My sphere of influence currently is friends and family, who I hope will dialogue with me about this, and the students I teach throughout the year.  We need to expand our worldviews and understandings, speak up and speak out.  Though it is unfair that white people have privileges that people of color do not, we need to use that privilege to bring change so everyone shares the same freedom.  So I am asking other people like me to evaluate their everyday lives, speak up in their sphere of influence, and seek ways to end violence and bring justice. Even a small drop can cause a great ripple.

I didn't want this post to get political, because innocent lives were lost, so I want to take a moment to remember Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, all those in Orlando, and the numerous others who have been killed by both police brutality and terrorists attacks. I also want to remember the police officers killed in the Dallas shooting last night. My heart and prayers go out to you and your families. Justice is needed, but the violence needs to stop.

For those who want to read more, here are some helpful posts by others speaking about these issues:

Ways to be a blacklivesmatter ally and educate yourself
http://www.maximummiddleage.com/right-now/alton-sterling-philando-castile-how-to-be-an-ally-to-black-people#.V35x5Q7KUiw.facebook
http://www.ravishly.com/2015/04/10/what-you-can-do-right-now-about-police-brutality

Examples of ways to talk and teach about race http://citizenshipandsocialjustice.com/2015/07/10/curriculum-for-white-americans-to-educate-themselves-on-race-and-racism/

Posts from People of Color to share their perspective
http://ebonyegussinewilkins.com/2016/07/06/the-fine-line-between-awareness-and-exploitation/
http://www.jetmag.com/life/alton-sterling-breathing-while-black/
http://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1125715/alton-sterling-shooting
http://bossip.com/1330821/for-my-son-in-the-event-the-police-leave-you-fatherless/

Other things worthy of reading:
http://www.norvillerogers.com/philando-castile/
http://fusion.net/story/170591/the-next-time-someone-says-all-lives-matter-show-them-these-5-paragraphs/

Lessons Learned from Fieldwork

For my MA in Anthropology at CSULB, I conducted fieldwork in the Solomon Islands for one summer.  I was in the Solomons for about 10 weeks and in one village for about 6 and other parts of the island for 2 more weeks.  This was enough time to gather information to write an MA thesis, but it also left a lot of holes in my research.  Five years later as I am trying to reexamine my data not only do I see holes in my research, but holes in my documentation and analysis procedures.  With this in mind, here are some lessons I have learned and suggestions for future fieldwork, so that others don't make the same mistakes.

While in the Field:
1. Set aside time daily to write up your notes.  As a good anthropologist should, I carried around a small notebook for jottings.  In the beginning I was good about writing things in detail in a separate notebook, but toward the end of my time, I became more sloppy and less detailed. Now years later, I wish a few more days had more details and information written down!

2. Write down all the details! Write the location, what you see, what you hear.  You think you will remember this, but years later you won't.  It might seem mundane now, but later on you will wish you had this information!  But at the same time, don't let too many details make you get behind on daily documentation, so when necessary just write the essentials in detail.

3. Make a genealogy.  Even if kinship is not your main goal, genealogies can help you later on understand the family relationships in the community.  Until you start analyzing you might not realize what information is important.  This can also apply to people studying organizations, documenting names, job titles and relationships is very important and one of the things that is hard to remember later on.  

4. Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if they are awkward.  Of course, respecting your hosts and the culture is very important and that should always come first in your interviewing, but sometimes it is okay to push a little.  For example, when I was in the village, one couple got into a big verbal and physical fight halfway through my research.  They had been some of my key informants, but I didn't do a formal interview with either of them until the end of my time.  Because of the tensions still lingering, I just interviewed the husband.  When I came to questions about his wife, I skipped them because it seemed too awkward.  Looking back, I should have at least phrased the questions differently and still asked, they weren't offensive or related to their argument... now these missing details are important to my analysis...  I thought I had this information recorded in an informal interview with her, but I can't find it... which ties back to #1 & #2!!

5.  After being in the field for awhile, take a break to analyze your information. Spend time typing up information from your interviews, writing down questions that still need to be answered and formulating preliminary analysis.  Make a plan of how you will reach your remaining goals and who you need to talk to.  Unfortunately for me, I only had 6 weeks and most of my analysis happened once I returned to the US.  I wish I could have had some time after I conducted all my formal interviews to do preliminary analysis and then follow up.

6. Give yourself plenty of time and break your time into achievable goals such as: Month 1: get to know the village, culture, and community.  Make initial maps of the village and genealogies.  Casually ask questions from your formal interviews to see if they are correct.  Do lots of observations and write down lots of details. Give yourself a few days to process this information and formulate solid interview questions then... Month 2: Begin conducting formal interviews.  Continue to do detailed observations.  If possible, write notes and transcribe interviews right away.   After you finish your formal interviews, give yourself a couple weeks to analyze the data.  Formulate more questions that need to be followed up on, follow up on interviews, etc. Wash and Repeat...

This is not a scientifically proven plan since most research is longer than a few months, but the principles still apply.  Write down lots of detailed notes from observations and interviews and give yourself time to analyze the findings and then proceed forward filling in gaps.

7. Return to your site more than once. If you are lucky enough to be doing research in a location you can leave and come back to without being a financial burden, then return to your site again after having a few months to begin writing, because questions will inevitably arise.  Being able to follow up once you are writing and share your initial findings will make your work stronger and will be an encouragement to the community that you are doing something with your work and that they are still important to you.  Similarly, if possible, do pre-fieldwork research to help you formulate your initial research plans.

These are just a few of the things that have come to mind in the last few weeks. I'm sure more will follow.  Fellow anthropologists out there, I'd love to hear some of your lessons learned!

My Journey of the Past Decade: Part 1

This is the first of a two part post that reflects on the last decade of my life.  In a few weeks I will be turning 30.  My last post explained how turning 30 has made me question whether or not I have accomplished much with my life because 30-year-old Rachel is not where 20-year-old Rachel thought she would be.  However, through a study of Philippians, I realized that it is not about my accomplishments, but the motivations for the accomplishments.  It is about recognizing if in what I have done, if I have done it for my glory or for Christ's.  I hope and pray that it has been the latter. What is clear to me now, is that through the last 10 years, God has been writing my story and guiding me, and that is clearly woven into each of my accomplishments.

This post is kind of long, so feel free to skim or just enjoy the pictures or just skip ahead to the summary at the end.

Preface
My junior year of high school I sensed God calling me to full-time missions as a Bible translator.  I had a desire to reach the unreached people who hadn't had a chance to hear about Jesus.  For this reason, I decided to attend Biola University and study Intercultural Studies, a major which helps train missionaries, and minor in Applied Linguistics to get a background in Bible translation.  Once there, I learned that anthropology was more than just digging up bones and decided to double major in Anthropology to get a more academic perspective of understanding cultures.

Now to jump ahead to the past decade...  I turned 20 in August 2005...

2005 - The Beginning of Decade 2
Although this memory happened the month before turning 20, it was the start of an amazing decade!

This is the summer that I finally fulfilled a dream of going to Africa! I spent the summer in Swaziland doing AIDS education and planting gardens.  I had longed to go to Africa because it was one of the places that I thought God might be calling me to for long term missions.  I have always been one to give in to emotional pleas, but surprisingly, when a sermon was preached asking people to commit to coming back to Swaziland, I clearly heard God tell me that this is not where he wanted me.  So I trusted God's guiding, and crossed Africa off the list for the time being.  I was blessed by the experience, and hopefully blessed the students I met.  I returned to Biola still with a heart for missions, but open to where God would take me.

Somewhere between 2005 and 2006 because of the classes I was taking, God made it clear to me that Bible translation was something I could do, but not what I enjoyed.  Through this, I became aware of all the others roles surrounding Bible translation and that I might be able to use my anthropological skills to help with one of those.

2006 - The Year of Dreams Fulfilled and Inspired

Since I was in elementary school, I have wanted to go to Papua New Guinea.  Though the memories are blurry, I believe that my 4th grade teacher used to be a missionary there.  She told us stories about PNG and since then I've wanted to go.  With this longing in my heart and God's orchestration, I found a way to go to Papua New Guinea for a summer internship with Wycliffe Bible translators.  This was my longest overseas experience yet.  For most of the time, I stayed with a Bible translator in the village where she worked.  I learned a lot about Melanesian culture and village life and learned to love the people there.  This is also how I began to learn the Melanesian Pidgins.  (All of these elements would be important in the years ahead, although I didn't know it yet...)  Along with all these experiences, God used conversations with Beverly Mosley, the missionary I stayed with, to help me think through my future goals and encourage my heart for missions.   During this time, God also made it clear that I should apply for MA Anthropology programs when I returned to the US.  Initially, I thought I would go immediately to the mission field after graduating, but God confirmed that I needed to take advantage of further education and that it would help prepare me for future ministry work, such as language survey or something else that would support Bible translation.

2007 - The year of Becoming an Adult

In May 2007, I graduated from Biola Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Anthropology and Intercultural Studies and double minors in Applied Linguistics and Biblical Studies.  More important than these degrees were the experiences I had and relationships I made while at Biola.  These were transformational years and some of my best friends came out of this time.  While at Biola, God not only directed my future goals through opening up opportunities as mentioned above, he began healing my heart as I processed through grief I had ignored for too long.  I won't go into the details here, but God clearly brought me to Biola for many reasons and used these experiences to prepare me for what was ahead.

In Fall of 2007, I moved to Long Beach, CA to start my MA in Anthropology at Cal State University, Long Beach.  I moved into my first real apartment with complete strangers, but since God was in control, these strangers became friends and that apartment became my home for 7 years.  An ethnographic research class project also brought me to Long Beach Friends Church. I thought I would only stay for a semester, but the people at this church became more than just informants, they became true friends and a true church family.  At the time, I thought Long Beach was just a short-term stepping stone to get me to the mission field, but God had other plans...

2008 - The Year of Becoming an Anthropologist

In the summer of 2008, I had my first experience designing and implementing my own ethnographic research project for my MA at CSULB.  This was definitely a stretching, but amazing experience.  I traveled across the Pacific Ocean to the small island of Santa Cruz in the Solomon Islands.  I lived in a house in a remote village with one other American student named Angela Hoover, and three local young women. When I say remote I mean: no electricity, no running water, bathed in a river, peed on the beach next to pigs, slept on camping mats, cooked over a fire, didn't see another white person kind of remote.  This remoteness was challenging.  Through this experience, God showed me that if I were to live overseas long term I would need a few comforts like a thin mattress, the ability to occasionally cook my own food, and ideally electricity for a laptop, at least occasionally to help keep me sane. But more than the physical needs, God used this to show me my spiritual and relational needs.  Since Angela was the only other person who spoke English, I learned to truly talk with God about what was going on.  Angela and I grew close and this showed me how important it was for me to have community.  I knew if I were to do this in the future I would need a partner, whether that was a husband or another woman I did not know, but I knew I couldn't do this alone.

Looking back, it seems crazy that Wycliffe let two girls in their early twenties go to this village by ourselves, but God had paved the way.  Because of my previous village experience in PNG and my language learning there, they were confident I could handle it.  We were also connected to locals who had worked with the Boergers (a missionary family who had been on the other side of the island previously), so we were never alone.  Plus we had a weekly radio conversation to check in with the Wycliffe member in the capital.  God opened this door because he knew I needed this experience. I gained more of a passion for anthropological work and gathered data and stories that I am still using today.  Likewise, I was finally able to live overseas, if only for a summer, and build real relationships with a local community.  I fell in love even more with the Melanesian culture and left the Solomons with a desire to return in some capacity in the future.

2009 - The Year of Becoming a Master

After muddling through hours of data and interview recordings and after drafting and rewriting chapters upon chapters, I finished my MA in Anthropology in August 2009.  I was so amazed that I had accomplished such a goal.  Never in my life did I think I would write 8 chapters, 145 pages, and 45,000 words... but through the grace of God and with the help of a supportive adviser, I did.  This was not an easy experience though.  It brought up so much doubt and anxiety. I feared I would never be able to finish and that I would disappoint everyone around me. Because of these emotions that were brewing, I finally began my journey of spiritual healing through different types of counseling. God knew that I needed the challenges in my life at this time to inspire me to seek him and seek help processing through the past and present.  The things I learned through this and the years that followed is worth its own post, so I won't delve into details, but what is clear is that even in my anxieties, God was present and without him I wouldn't have finished my MA.  Besides the emotional journey, the actual writing of the thesis was an exhausting experience, so after finishing my thesis, I literally and figuratively put it on the shelf for 5 years.

Because of the challenges of my MA program, I never thought I would continue in academia, which shows why sometimes I get so confused and surprised that I am here now, but God knew that I needed a break and a time to heal and pursue other things in life.  I also needed to learn to wait and trust, but more of that in the next post.  Even though the thesis and research was on the shelf, my passion of missions and the Melanesian culture never faded...

After finishing my MA, I traveled around Europe for a month with my best friend.  This fulfilled another dream that we had talked about since Biola of backpacking around Europe.  It was such a freeing and rejuvenating experience and a great way to cap off 2009.

Summary of 2005-2009

So the first 5 years of my 20s were amazing! I traveled to numerous countries including over a month in Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, and Europe.  I graduated with a BA and an MA.  I moved to a new city, made new friends, and found a new church.  Not mentioned in this post, I started my first real relationship, went swing dancing regularly, became a Disney pass holder, saw my mom get remarried and in doing so gained new family, plus so much more. My list of accomplishment and what I could be known for could go on and on, but the point of these posts are not to say here is what I've done, it is to say here is how God worked and used these experiences.

The first 5 years of my twenties included God fulfilling and reshaping long held dreams.  As I took each step, whether to another country or down the graduation aisle, he was guiding me and preparing me for what was next.  I learned to listen to his voice.  I sought healing for grief and fears I had never dealt with.  I learned to trust in difficult circumstances and I learned to follow God even if the path ahead was not going where I thought it would.  These lessons and more continued to be woven through the rest of the decade... God was at work...